A night with the Stackhouse
by Vitzy
Summary: Where has Sookie gone and will her family find her? One-shot. Everyone is slightly crazy. slight AU PURE CRACKFIC! Read and review.


**Disclaimer : I don't own the characters but I do own this plot.**

It is 2 AM in the Stackhouse household.

Jason is downstairs snoring on the couch.

Amelia is in the guest room either sleeping or sending lesbian messages to one of her equally lesbian friends.

Hunter is pretending to sleep but is actually watching Tom and Jerry on his Iphone which he stole from 'uncle' Claude.

Grandma Stackhouse is rolling in her grave at the thought of her beautiful beloved house being demolished by the current occupants. _They're a messy bunch...those Stackhouses._

Bill is...oh wait, since Bill cheated , lied and deceived Sookie , she dumped him and therefore no longer counts as a 'Stackhouse'. _Ouch. _Yeh ,so we'll just skip his part.

But just to let you know- – because he is a creep.

Sookie is in her room in her bed , exhausted from a long day at da bar and then an even longer night snogging her hubby Eric when suddenly her cell starts vibrating.

"You wanna die , punk?" she screeches into the phone.

"Sweetie," Eric simpers and Sookie makes a face.

"You left your coffee beans here and they're trying to steal it!" he said in a very solemn voice.

"?" Sookie jumps out of bed and screams.

Funnily no one hears her...

"I said that you left you coff-" well except for Eric , but she did scream into the phone so he'd have to be pretty darn deaf not to hear her!

"IMMA COIMG OVER...MAKE WAY...MAKE WAY..." Sookie hangs up and continues shouting 'make way' whilst thrashing her arms around , moving aside imaginary goblins or something of that size.

Sookie jumps out of her window and thinking it will be faster than walking or driving (_you can't trust night time traffic) _ decides to run to Fangtasia , where her coffee is waiting.

Now Hunter decided that he needs to go poo but he has just watched a rather scary episode of Tom and Jerry and is scared to make the treacherous journey to the bathroom.

He decided to use his aunt Sookie's bathroom instead. But when he gets there , the bed sheets are all rumpled up , there is no note , and most importantly no...LIPSTICK!

""

Jason and Amelia come running to where the scream is emanating from.

"Bruv , what choo yellin fer?" _Yes ,Jason takes classes to perfect his East London accent._

"Aunt Sookie's favourite lipstick is missing"

*gasps all round* By now Bob the boyfriend cat has also come and he makes an odd dying noise.

"Forget the lipstick! _Sookie _is gone!" Amelia squeals.

"Oh emm gee! I need to tell Pammy , my favourite lesbian friend." And Amelia rings Pam.

"Oh emm gee Pam , you ,like , won't , like believe it , like like like!"

"Nooooooo Millie-poos tell meeeeeeee , pweeeease!"

"Well , like Sookie is like GONE!" Amelia exclaims over her phone.

On the other end of the line Pam makes a choking noise and speaks in a hollow voice.

"I thought he was joking...I didn't think he would actually cook her!"

"You mean Eric?" Amelia asks astounded.

"Yes."

Amelia gives a theatrical sob and chucks her phone away.

"I'm sorry Aunt Millie , I really need to poo, can ya tell us what happened to the poor lipstick?"

So Amelia does and Hunter hurries to the poo place...oops , I mean toilet.

"So my bruv in law , cooked my sis?" Jason asks , tearing up.

"Pretty much! We got to make wanted posters , we need to revenge our girlfriend."

"Eww , gross man. Not cool!" Jason replied.

"Yeah , you're like totally right! I mean what am I thinking. Sookie can't be your girlfriend...that'd be like incest...and that's like totally illegal." Amelia agrees.

"Naw man , I'm talking about Hunter. That little dude stunk up the entire room!"

Amelia gives him a funny look.

They both go into Hunter's room and Amelia writes a message with her tongue sticking out and Jason draws a picture of Eric , which looks more like the 'annoying orange' than a blonde vampire.

Meanwhile Sookie has arrived at Fangtasia. Pam is in the office with Eric , who is cowering behind his desk while she throws dust bunnies at him...he's got dust allergies.

Sookie sees her bottle of coffee beans , standing proudly in the corner , like a beacon of light and throws her favourite lipstick in that direction.

With perfect accuracy the lipstick hits the bottle and thus the bottle is marked. Now no one will steal it she thinks and walks up to pick up her lipstick.

Then she _walks _home.

When she arrives home Hunter , Amelia and Jason are in a tangled heap on the living room floor and her ENTIRE house is filled with 'Wanted : Eric Northman' posters.

"Y'all should have told me you're looking for Eric's annoying orange , sillies!" Sookie smiles remembering the youtube videos.

"YOU WEREN'T, LIKE COOKED!"

"YO , YO SIS , YOU GAVE US A RIGHT HEART ATTACK, YOUZ DID!"

"THE LIPSTICK IS BACK?"

"Chill , dudes!" Sookie says calmly.

"I went to mark my coffee."

"LIKE , HUH?"

Just then Sookie's phone starts vibrating again.

"err , darling?" Eric sidles out. "They're still trying to steal your coffee!"

""

**A/N : so this was pure crackfic. Hope you liked it anyway. I had so much fun writing this. It was my first attempt at writing this type of thing. So , like , review? **


End file.
